Finger foods

So it turns out the woman who claimed to have found a human finger in her chili at Wendy's lied. She's a criminal. She's scammed people before and she was trying to scam us all. She did have a finger, which she put in her chili herself. So now there are two big questions:

The first is the one everyone is thinking about -- ewwww...where did she get the finger?

But I think the second is so much more important -- where on earth did she come up with this idea?

Hmm...I need some money...I could scam someone. I know! I'll cut off somebody's finger and put it in my chili at Wendy's!

or

Hmm...I need some money...I've got this finger around...what could I do with this finger I happen to have lying around my house...(tapping finger on the table)...hmmm....oh I know! I'll go to Wendy's and toss it in my chili and make a big freak about it.

I want to know which came first: the finger or the idea to scam Wendy's. Did she have a finger and need a plan, or did she have a plan but need a finger. Where does one get a finger? The morgue? A recently deceased relative before shutting the lid to the coffin? Just find it in the trash one day?

I'm glad to know it's safe to go back to Wendy's. I like their fries.

Who wants a frosty more? I want a frosty more.

-barrett 'n megan

Janitor: The Musical

I work in the basement of a University Building. We have this wierd setup where there aren't really many offices off the main hallway, but there are two doors that lead to a parallel hallway where all the offices are. So the basement looks pretty barren. But today, for the second time this semester, there is someone on the janitorial staff out in the hallway singing while throwing out the trash. Singing loudly. I think he likes the acoustics. And I think that he believes he's alone. He's got a great voice. Mostly he just sings like he's warming up "ahhh-ahhh-ahhhhhh", very church choir boy. It sounds really nice, but I'm afraid to embarass him by walking out unexpectedly and telling him so. I wonder how often we do silly things when we think we're alone, which it turns out other people can see/hear?

Who wants to be in a barbershop quartet more? My janitor wants to be in a barbershop quartet more.

barrett 'n megan

Habamus pirates

So via this conclave I've learned several new vocabulary words, the most obvious being conclave. But my favorite new word is the name given to the three cardinals who actually count the votes. Apparently this word is used all over the place for vote counters:

The Scrutineers

I'm sorry, come again? Did you say scrutineers?.

Indeed I did. Merriam-Webster Online defines it as follows:

Main Entry: scru·ti·neer
Pronunciation: "skrü-t&n-'ir
Function: noun
1 : one that examines
2 British : one who takes or counts votes

Wow! That reminds me of buccaneers. I can just visualize the breakdown of ceremony inside the Sistine Chapel. Here sit these 115 cardinals, all with slips of paper that say "Eligo in Summum Pontificem" on them, and they write their choice for pope below. Then one by one they go up to place their ballots in the chalice and suddenly you hear 'yar! that be a good vote i'm sure' Next thing you know these guys are buckling swashes and loading the cannons and soon the Vatican has been taken over by Scrutineers! They raise the anchor and sail it out of Italy and off on a voyage around the world. yar! Scrutineers!

I like this new word, and since it can just mean 'one that examines' (uh..scrutinize...i get it...), it can be used for all sorts of things. I think we need to start a club for inquisitive people and call it the Scrutineers. We can talk about cool world happenings and factoids and do it all with paper pirate hats and parrots. Yar!

Who wants to be a pirate more? Yar! Me Cardinals wants to be pirates more!

barrett 'n megan

Habamus Papum

So we've got a new pope. i'm sure there will be plenty of blogs which try to analyze him without really knowing what he's going to do now that he's in power. I'm not going to touch it with a 10 foot pole. Instead, today is factoid day. I'm going to search my quirky history books and look for other famous Benedicts besides the new Benedict XVI.

Ruth Benedict:I'm an anthropologist so I have to start out with another one. Ruth was a student under Franz Boas, worked with Alfred Krober, and is rumored to have had intimate relations with her colleague Margaret Mead. Her most well known works were Patterns of Culture and The Chrysanthamum and the Sword.

St. Benedict of Nursia:This is the big important Benedict. He was from Italy, and his first miracle was "restoring to perfect condition an earthenware wheat-sifter (capisterium) which his old servant had accidentally broken" (taken from New Advent). Benedict is the patron saint for several things, including: against nettle rash, Europe, servant's who have broken their masters belongings, and speliologists (cave explorers).

Dr. Benedict H. Gross:Leverett Professor of Mathematics and Dean of Harvard College, Harvard University. Author of the recent and enthralling article: "On the Values of Artin-L Functions", Quarterly Journal of Pure and Applied Mathematics.

Dirk Benedict:self proclaimed "Actor, Author, Director, Woodchopper, Dad". You may know him as Lt. Starbuck on Battlestar Gallactica or Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Puck on the A-Team. Or Not.

St. Benedict's Preparatory School:My dad went to high school here. Can't leave 'em out, go Gray Bees!. And check out their gym dress code "Students may only wear Chuck Taylor sneakers for all school functions (exception may be granted to athletes during their practices and competitions.)" Yay Chucks!

Eggs Benedict: I hate 'em but lots of you love 'em.

Wes Benedict:He's running for City Council, Place 4. I think this is in Austin Texas, but it doesn't actually say. Election day is May 7th, get out the vote people! He's qualified, he is President & one-third owner of kitchen & bath countertop manufacturing company, and he wants to solve the traffic problem. You gotta support a guy who wants to solve the traffic problem.

Esther Benedict: makes really cool metal sculptures - life size bronze horses and stuff!

The Hotel Auberge Benedict Arnold: Ha! This hotel is located in St-George, Quebec. Too funny. Have your wedding at the Benedict Arnold, there's a place to make promises to each other...

Habamus Google.

Who wants to procrastinate more? Megan wants to procrastinate more.

barrett 'n megan

femme-plumber's butt

I bought my first pair of low-rise jeans a few months ago. I have to cave and admit that, now that I own them, I like the way they look with some of my shirts, but at first I just got them because they were on sale and I needed new jeans. I have several issues with the low-risers:

1) Ladies, we have hips! And hips serve the wonderful function of holding your pants up. Since the jeans don't go above the hips, we have to wear tight belts, which leads to problem number 2.

2) Flub. Low rise jeans make everyone, even a size 2, look like a fatty. To hold your pants up, you have to tighten the belt so much that it causes your kidneys and extra skin to squish up. Believe me, even if you can't see it, I can from behind. Why wear something that makes you look fat? Now I'm a chub anyway, so I'm extra concious of this problem. If you wear a loose fitting top you're fine, but low rise with a tight top? uh-uh. you're asking for trouble.

3) Plumber's butt. For so many years this was a problem for only the guys, and often just the bigger fellas. He leans over, and hairy cheeks peek out over the top of the pants. But now, with the low rise jeans, it's our problem too. If your belt isn't tight enough, here they come. Now some of you recognize this and use this opportunity to show off your favorite new thong, UGH...We used to make fun of guys for showing off their boxers - why, WHY would you want to show off underwear that's wedged between your butt cheeks? If all you want is sex and attention for your body, if you really think you have nothing more to offer the world than your body and a few "oohhh....oh Yeah..."s, than fine, show the world your underwear. I happen to think more of myself. I'm sort of suprised that people haven't started snapping thongs the way they used to snap the back of your bra back in junior high. And for the rest of us wearing the low rise jeans, think about the plumber butt before you sit down. Stools are the worst, they put your butt at eye level and I've seen more than my share of crack that way. It's NOT pretty. No one wants to see your bootie squishing out over your too-tight low rise jeans, so think about it before you sit, and angle yourself accordingly.

So wear the low-rise jeans, but do so with caution and acute awareness ladies. I don't think we should be self concious, but I do think we should be aware of what we're doing to our bodies, and to other people's eyes...the burning sensation....owwww....I can't see!!!!

Who wants to fall out of their pants more? Ladies with low rise jeans want to fall out of their pants more.

barrett 'n megan

Addendum - I'm a dumbass

This is an addendum to the last post. Apparently I missed this part:


P.S. The above text, in its entirety, is complete and
utter bullshit. Sorry Megan, I'm just bored.

Is this what YOU learned at college?

So I co-TA a class with another grad student. We have 3 lecture sections, and I go to two each week and he goes to the other one. Completely unawares, I sent him a polite e-mail today to see how the exam today had gone. Below is the response, names changed for protection of the innocent:

You are not going to believe what happened today. It
was a total mad house. I caught 5 students cheating. I
took them outside to talk to them and somehow two of
the students got into a fight with each other which
then quickly escalated into an all out brawl amongst
the 5 students. I tried to take control of the
situation but some little shit got the drop on me and
sent me flying through the double doors of the class
room. Dr. Teller tried to come to my defense but he
was immediately overwhelmed because several students in
the classroom had joined the fray. People were getting
knocked into students trying to take their exams who
would then retaliate against the person that was
knocked into them. Before it was over there were some
20 or 30 students brawling with each other. Dr.
Teller was finally able to make a cell phone call to
the police which eventually came and arrested several
of the participants of the riot. However, by this time
the class had been so disrupted that no one wanted to
continue there exam so we excused the class around
11:35 and Dr. Teller and I went to the Med Center to be treated
for minor injuries. I got 4 stitches above my right eye
and I sprained my left wrist while Dr. Teller
received 2 stitches on his bottom lip and has a black
eye (left eye). We discussed it and he wants to
reschedule the exam for Saturday at 1:00 but I can't
make it on Saturday. Can you proctor the exam?

Who wants to go to jail more? Cheaters who punch their professors want to go to jail more.

barrett 'n megan

What country are you?

So there's this What country are you quiz online. I was intrigued so I checked it out. See commentary below. (To be fair, I (Megan) made educated guesses for the quiz to get Barrett's country.)

MEGAN:

You're
the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long
way to go.  You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of
beating each other about the head and torso.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result.  But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.

BARRETT:

You're
Bangladesh!
Everyone else keeps eating your food, and
as a result it seems like you're starving all the time.  Your life is just flooded with problems, and you're pretty sure that everything would be easier if half the people you knew just went away.  Unfortunately, they're hungry too, so they might go away in a way you don't want.  George Harrison's music becoming
wildly popular may be your only hope, but even he's gone away now.

Take the
Country Quiz at the
Blue Pyramid

Now I was suprised at how amazingly effective this quiz really was! Barrett wants to do more with his life than he's doing right now, but doesn't seem to be making progress. He's always starving, and never can find time to do anything fun. He's got the same car he had in high school, only one side is about to rust off, the taillight is busted, the radio is held together with paperclips and the car doesn't believe first gear exists. And on my computer the circle which should be in the middle of the Bangladeshi (bangalese?) flag is off center, that is SO typical of him. Yup, he's Bangladesh.


Now I, on the other hand, am very much United Nations-y. Except I don't like that color of blue that they wear. But I'm the one who gets along pretty well with just about anybody. AND Barrett decided that when he becomes president (Hartman for President 2016!!) he wants me to be his Chief of Staff. We had talked for a while about Secretary of the Interior, since I'm really more interested in internal affairs, but he wanted me at his side helping with all the decisions. That's me, peacekeeper of the world...well not really, but trying to be.

If anyone wants a position in our cabinet, let us know your qualifications. We're accepting applications through June 2015.

Who wants to eat more? Bangladesh wants to eat more

barrett 'n megan

Psudo-celebs dropping like flies

So lately a lot of folks have been going to meet their various makers. You've got your big names, like JP II, who is world-known, though I wouldn't call him a celebrity per se, because he was a religious leader, that doesn't seem right, unless your last name is Baker. Then you had Saul Bellow, the writer. There was also Prince Rainier (the Third) of Monaco. Mitch Hedburg the comedian died the day before the unfortunately famed Terri Schiavo. And on the same day as she, Frank Purdue, of chicken farming fame, kicked the bucket. And don't forget Johnnie Cochran the week before that. And not much earlier, Hunter S. Thompson! And while you may not have caught it, the drummer of Crowded House, Mr. Paul Hester, died on March 28th. He lasted a week longer than John DeLorean who, while he may be forgotten, marked himself in American Pop Culture by creating the car that was eventually used in Back to the Future.

What's with all the psudo-celebs dying at once? It's sad...kind of... I'd feel worse if there were more of the world leader/noble prize winner types out there. The rest of these guys kind of had cult followings moreso than true celebrity. Well, I guess they're making the way for future psudo-celebs to move up -- Nicole Richie, Tony Danza, the guy in the hospital downtown who's on a ventilator, they'll all get their turn in the limelight soon enough. And isn't that what makes our planet so great? The ability to go from almost nothing to almost something. Sigh. I love this place.

Who wants fame more?

Young almost-something-worthwhiles want fame more.

-Barrett 'n Megan