You're such a jackass....

So not only is there the sweet sweet animal we call the Jackass,
it turns out that the penguin that was stolen from the zoo in England before Christmas was a Jackass Penguin. No that's not the hideous offspring of a donkey and a flightless bird. And no, it's not a really rude penguin that cuts you off in traffic. It is just one of the more than 15 different kinds of Penguins. Imagine, in one section of the zoo you could have emperor penguins being all regal, and then you've got these ones we've dubbed Jackass Penguins in the pool next door...what kind of a social anxiety complex are we giving these birds?

Other fun penguin species:

Royal Penguins (must be subservient to the emperors)

King Penguins (apparently Empires include several Kingdoms, so these are also subservient to the emperors, but still above the other Royals)

Erect-Crested Penguins ...that just makes me laugh. Come on, I blogged about Jackasses, I'm easily amused.

Who wants penguins to rule the world more? Flightless Ornithologists want penguins to rule the world more.

- barrett 'n megan

Thinking outside the box

A conversation in the breakroom with a colleague yesterday:

Me: There was a firetruck at my neighbor's house last night.

Colleague: Ooh, neat. Did you get to ride on it?

And that is why I love my friend Chris. He always says the unexpected.

Who wants to make you doubletake more? Chris wants to make you doubletake more.

- barrett 'n megan

Now that's a bad storm

Recently I had to drive through a horrible storm. It started as rain, then changed to snow. It was wet snow, falling fast, and I was driving into the falling snow. At night. So it looked like I was driving at warp speed. Trying to keep my eyes focused on what little I could see of the lines on the road, while all that snow was shooting by in my headlights was hard. I had to stop at several rest stops to give them a break. My eyes, not the headlights. What should have been an hour 1/4 drive took twice as long.

When I got up the next morning, my car had no snow on it, but my front license plate was covered with a solid block of ice that you couldn't see the plate through. That made me feel good. "yea, it was a bad storm!"

Then that afternoon, the ice fell off in a chunk, and you could actually see the impressions of the letters from the plate in the ice. Wow!

I almost picked it up and stuck it in my freezer. Almost.

Who wants to remind you of your harrowing travels more? Ole' Man Winter wants to remind you of your harrowing travels more.

-barrett 'n megan

Mama said there'd be days like this...

St. Augustine volcano in Alaska has started spewing ash and steam. According to volcanologists, this is typical of an Augustinian eruption. The volcano erupted in the same way in 1976 and 1986, and now it's doing it again in 2006.


Why would a volcano spew forth every ten years, but skip 1996?

1976 - Republican President

1986 - Republican President

1996 - Democratic President

2006 - Republican President

Could it be that mother nature shows her political preferences by spewing forth wrath, anger and hot ash when the Republicans are in office? Hmmm...the data certainly supports the hypothesis thusfar, but we'll have to wait until 2016, to see if things change. We hypothesize that when Barrett gets elected in 2016, as a Democrat, the volcano will not spew.


Who wants to make a political statement more? Mother Nature wants to make a political statement more.

-barrett 'n megan

Silly Pat, judgement is for God!

So lately it seems like the motto is "I, Pat Robertson, am against something, therefore GOD must be against it too." Since when is he the mouthpiece of the Almighty??

First it was Dover, PA. All going to hell for trying to teach evolution.
Now it's Ariel Sharon. God 'Smote' Sharon for leaving Gaza; that's Robertson's explanation for why the man had a horrible stroke. The Israelites were kicked out of the area ages ago, and only recently returned, but now that they're moving again, God decided it's wrong. They were allowed to be gone for hundreds of years, but they can't leave twice? Huh?

Here's the direct quote:
"He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'"

Woe? Woe?? Nobody says Woe to anything except God....and Joey from Blossom. Pat Robertson doesn't get to Woe. I don't Woe. God can Woe. Woe No.

This guy doesn't make any sense, who does he think he is? {boggle} There have been mass genocides and horrible people around for generations, and god hasn't brought down a lightening-strike against them, why does Pat Robertson get to claim that every illness or natural disaster is suddenly the wrath of a vengeful God?? Seriously, who does he think he is?

The most disappointing thing about all of this is the lack of response from other religious leaders here in the states. They should stand up against this kind of hurtful commentary that doesn't help anyone. Silence is passive acceptance fellas. It shouldn't be left to the bloggers and the media to be outraged when someone blames God for someone else's misfortune.

Who wants to think he is the complete correct understander of the word of God more? Pat Robertson wants to think he is the complete correct understander of the word of God more.

-barrett 'n megan

Babies babies babies

I've got several friends in the early stages of parenthood, or late stages of pregnancy. So baby names have been a hot topic. The Baby Center just came out with their list of the top names for 2005. Megan is #36 on the girl's chart, while Barrett didn't make the boys top 100. Ah well.

But I'm more interested in the 'Inspired' names they found. These are all names that were reported to the Baby Center, but not confirmed on Birth Certificates.

Banana
I thought Apple was silly from the moment I heard it, and what I'd feared has happened, people are naming their kids after food just because Gwyneth Paltrow did it. Now Clementine and Safron I can see. But Banana? Gherkin? You've got to be kidding me! When Gwyneth gave birth she and her husband said "We are 900 miles over the moon!" -- No kidding, you'd have to be to get a name like that.

Jersey
Again, I can understand the place-name names. And Sedona and Aspen I can agree to if I have to. But Jersey? I'm from there and I wouldn't name my kid that! Nor would I have gone with Germany or Philadelphia as some have.

Other unusal names: Tigger, Scion, Sprout and Island. These poor kids are going to have a tough time when they grow up...

Who wants to humiliate their children more? People who convert basic nouns into names want to humiliate their children more.

-barrett 'n megan

Superheros of the rails...

While riding the NJ transit, Barrett noticed that there was a sledgehammer and crowbar by the back door of the train car. Why, when people claim to be so concerned about safety, when you can't take tweezers on planes, would someone have a crowbar and a sledgehammer on a train? I know, I know, they're there for emergencies, to get the doors open. But doesn't that seem a little weird?

I don't remember exactly how this happened, but Barrett and I decided that Sledgehammer and Crowbar would be great names for a pair of Superheros. And they could easily be played by Jay and Silent Bob. Jay, being tall and skinny, would be Crowbar, and Silent Bob, being stocky, would be Sledgehammer. But the irony of the situation is that the Superhero called Crowbar would use a sledgehammer as his weapon, and Sledgehammer would use a crowbar against his enemies. This happened because the Prop Guy mixed them up.

Prop Guy - Arch Nemesis of Crowbar and Sledgehammer.

While walking down a road in New York City we saw a bank with big glass windows and a HUGE safe door. Barrett said "Wow, you know your money is safe there, you can see the entrance to the safe." Then we both agreed it had to be fake, because why would anyone put a huge safe door right in front of the window, right? I mean this isn't looney toons. It's not even far enough away from the window to really open it.

Which led to the visualization of Sledgehammer and Crowbar using their skills to pry that safe door open, only to discover a brick wall behind it.

"Damn you Prop Guy!!!!"

Who wants to beat the good guys more? Prop Guy wants to beat the good guys more.

-barrett 'n megan